How does it feel?
by hoot hoot owls
Summary: "Oh how does it feel, suicide I mean. What a wonder I find my self wondering everyday. What happens after, after you cut, hang or shoot maybe even take some pills?" Rated T for suicide.


"I wonder what suicide is like." I accidentally speak out loud while eating dinner, everything went quiet and now the crew is staring at me strangely.

"What?" I ask then Usopp talks. "Did you just ask what suicide is like?" holy shit I didn't mean to say that!

So I cock my head side ways and act ignorant. "What's suicide?" I ask and then everyone sighs a breath of relief.

I continue my act and ask again. "Hey what's suicide?" they all look away and no one answers. I shrugged and continue to eat, there all relieved again.

I know exactly what suicide is though, I always find my self thinking about it but I shouldn't tell my crew that.

I would never do suicide though I just find it interesting. Exciting, beautiful most people would say different though.

People would call it stupid or horrible but I find it wonderful. Just what is it like to pull suicide? I know some ways to do it.

You can hang your self, oh hanging your self how exciting. You get to float and then hear your own chokes and screams around you.

Or maybe cutting is more your thing? Hmmm that is so beautiful, to feel the pain slowly with every cut. Then to see such a pretty dark red.

The dark red stains everything in its view reminding your self you can't turn back now that you have started.

Then again you could just take some pills and wait, but waiting seems boring does it not?

You can also do it with a bullet, yes it takes just 1 single bullet to end it all. I find this way interesting, first you feel the cold gun to your head.

Then you pulled the trigger but it seems to go so slow but in reality it only took a second or two. *BANG.* Is what you hear then everything goes black.

Your body soon goes limp as you finish trying one of these kinds of suicide. Well this is how I picture it, I don't really know how it feels.

I mean you experiences it but then your gone, you can't tell anyone else. So I always wonder how it feels.

Oh just thinking about it gets me excited! Do you know why i'm so obsessed with suicide? Well I watched someone pull a suicide right in front of my own eyes.

My mother, she never did like me so she got sick of me and left. Normally if you saw your own mother do a suicide in front of you, you would freak out.

Not me I thought of how beautiful she looked hanging up from the fan. I thought her screams were just the most beautiful voice I ever heard, but don't get me wrong.

I did love her of course I did, I did everything for her. Even so I was happy that she died in such a beautiful way.

After that I learned what she did and became obsessed with it. Once grandpa found my drawings of suicide and death he was so angry, yeah grandpa didn't like me either.

He beat me until I couldn't move but I was use to it already I was just sad my collection was gone.

I fished my food now i'm going to going to the mens sleeping room, I have a new and improved collection.

I keep articles of when they show suicide in the news papers. I have even drew lots of picture to, there so pretty.

I take my collection from under my bed and start to admire photos I stole from from shops. Oh I just want to know how it feels...

Hmm, I can but then I would leave my crew...I don't mind I just want to see how suicide feels. They will understand since I love it so much. Now what should I pick from?

Out of my three most favorite. Hanging, cutting or a bullet? I always did want to see how it is to fly, yeah i'll learn how to fly.

* * *

*Next day.*

There everything is ready, oh I can't wait to fly. I have a hook I asked Franky to install he asked me why but I didn't tell him.

So now I stare at the rope dangling from the hook in the middle of the mens sleeping room. Then onto the stool I go.

I place my head in then. *Jump.* ahh- I- can- can't breath! Ho- how exciting! "Cuu- ah- uhhh! caaa-" I hear it! I hear my beautiful screams, oh how wonderful.

This is even better than I imagined, oh no I hear the door rush open the crew is here, staring in shock.

I try to put my foot on the stool but it fall to the floor. Oh who cares if I have a a few people watching my beautiful act? I don't mind it only makes this so much more exciting!

Oh how do you like the show?! Do you feel the excitement like I do?! Wait why are giving me such awful looks? My death is suppose to bring smiles to your face! Just like how I felt when I watched my mother die!

And then right before everything ended I felt regret, fear and grief. I just left my crew with the same feelings but worse and way more emotions to deal with with.

Then everything went black and quiet and I realized I had just died.


End file.
